Survival Tip #3

This survival tip comes not to help you in the event of the apocalypse, but how to survive post-judgment life. If you somehow cheat fate and wind up alive, whether it be from a bomb shelter, discovery of magic, or just sheer luck, you’re going to need this tip.

Stockpile media! I say this because when everyone else is dead, you’re going to need something to occupy your time. Being unemployed for three months I feel well qualified in this field of boredom. It comes in a few stages, like the Tour de France or recovering from alcoholism.

1. Acceptance
I know this is reversed, but at first you’re like “eh maybe I can deal with this, the peace and quiet is kinda nice” This stage is deceiving, its not nice and it gets real lonely.
2, Boredom
This is where your media kicks in. Get a couple generators, and like 4 backup iPods. Also, steal all the music and movies you can possibly rustle up because the people who run the interweb will be dead too.
3. Depression
just when you feel worthless, remember this: YOU MADE IT! You’re alive and on par with all the billionaires that floated around in space while everyone else burned. So pack up all your no longer illegal stockpiled music, get some food, and find all the rich people who made it out with you. Not only that, but after months of doing nothing but surviving and watching every season of Mama’s Family and Alf, you’ll have lots to talk about.

Side Tip: Test every sexual partner you have that’s Catholic, because if they listen to that nut in the Vatican those condoms have holes in them.

Good Luck,
Chris